I thought that one day I would be this incredibly well respected creative mind that was good at everything that I did. I thought that I would be a triple threat and then some. Film, Literature and art. I thought that at this point in my life I would have published works of fiction, my name on a few well respected independant films and an burgining art collection filled with mostly young upcoming artists. I have always thought of myself in a greater light than my current state. Short of all this, I also wanted to be involved in building and gardening and landscape design. I think of myself in terms of art and design. Intellectual persuits. I wanted to be able to persue all of the things that interested me without fear or worry about how to make it all work financially. I never thought in terms of making money, because I thought that if you did what you loved the money would come. but now I find myself working my ass off trying to make ends meet and being too tired at the end of the day to write, or create a wonderful meal, or work in the garden. I'm lucky if I have the time and energy to shower. I want the opportunity to be financially secure enough to persue these things, but for now i'm just tired.